www.post-hipster.com

1. You should read these periodically to get a sense of how much simpler life was 3000 years ago. Seriously, there’s no “Thou shalt not drive in the HOV lane alone” or “Thou shall pay thine artists for the music they hath created” or “Thou Shalt Thinkest Global and Actest Local” or anything.
2. Most of the “guides for life” commandments (#4-10) can be summed up by the expression “Don’t be an a-hole”
3. Isn’t it weird that God would say he’s “a jealous god” in a commandment? TMI, Dude! I guess He worked on that by the time Jesus rolled around, since He was all lovey-dovey by then.
4. Does that then imply that God can change over time? And how does that work? Does god have a shrink? Or He’s just really good at introspection? I guess just the introspection - He is omniscient, after all. Should be a cakewalk for Him.
5. Wait a second… doesn’t God admitting he’s just a Jealous Guy mean God Himself is violating the “coveting” commandments? Isn’t he just Coveting Baal’s House in this case?
6. The Golden Rule isn’t a commandment, but it arguably should be.
7. #4 (the killing one) doesn’t apply for most folk, so you can consider it a “freebie”
8. Does saying “God Damn it!” really break #3? Since “God” technically is more of a nickname than an actual name. What about “Jesus H Tapdancing Christ?” “Sweet Zombie Jeebus?” Does parody/satire/fair use count?
9. While #6 does in fact admonish stealing, it’s actually OK to steal from big faceless corporations. It’s a little known fact that the Disciples didn’t pay for their cable hookup. Stephen was an unrepentant shoplifter throughout his tenure.
10. “Do not commit adultery,” if you think about it, kinda condones premarital Boning.

(inspired by an intro to a This American Life episode on the prevelance of 10 commandments)

I know you like to show off your flash-movie-making skills. I know it’s tons of fun to make images fade in and out, and to make text scroll across the screen. I know this kind of stuff makes your clients pop like 1,000 boners and fall over themselves to give you more work.

But you know what? It bugs the snot out of the rest of us. It’s unnecessary, it’s indulgent, and… personally it bugs me so much that even if your intro ended with a retinue of topless Hawaiian maidens who would actually pop out of the screen and gently fan me with palm fronds while I viewed your website, I’d still skip it.

Instead of a “skip intro” button, how about a “show intro” button? That way, you still get to flex your Object Tweening skillz, your client can still show off your snappy work to all his buddies, and, most importantly, your audience’s first impression with your website is not an aggravated search for the “Skip” function.

And, for god’s sake, enough with the music backgrounds. If you must have one, have it in your “intro” only. If I wanted to listen to bland electronacia I’d bring my laptop to a Banana republic.

I’m looking at you, that one development team that seems to have built the website for every restaurant in Atlanta….

As witnessed by this Heatmiser tune, which has been running through my head a solid week now. The entire song’s melody (except for that little bridge there) is made from the same 4 notes.

And I love how on the third chord, the melody hangs on the 9th of that II7 - it adds a nice tension to the phrase..

Now here I am, not even a week after writing about stealing the new Elliott Smith, and sorta vowing not to download music illegally, but there I am on isohunt, and it’s staring me in the face: 3rd Bass - The Cactus Album. I’m not made of stone!

Granted, I did buy the cassette back in ‘89…

…so when we got afterthought from the presser, we had a friend of ours pick them up form the Post Office. He left them in his car, thought, and, late-90’s Brooklyn being what it was, his car got broken into. There were copies of the CD scattered on the floor of his car, amongst the broken glass, but only one copy was missing. Thugs like indie rock, too, I guess.

Rain Delay is a collection of all the songs we finished from the Tin Pan Alley session, but never released (we were planning on 2 or 3 EPs, which, well, never happened). Andrew shows his producer chops on Deliberate, when he told me to sing as quietly as possible, and we double-tracked the vocals, for a really cool effect. Adam shows his pop-song writing prowess with his ode to Bob Ross. I show my editing prowess by cutting out the Lame Ass Bridge from Hungover and Over.

The LGPS was born at around 3:00 AM after a long night of drinking, when Andrew and I decided to write an ode (on Deck II, which dates it at around, like 1996-7ish?) to our favorite late night diner, the New Purity (back when it was on 7th & union - I think that space is now the park cafe?)

Highlights include the Jenn Chen Birthday Song, downloaded over 60,000 times on mp3.com, and South Ferry Woman, first in a long-abandoned series of songs about the 5 boroughs. I also included Lawnmowin’ Song, which I did on my 4 track in 1994. Good times…

The title is a joke from the Risley Recorder in 1991. I think there are probably 3 people who remember it, beyond me…

This is an album Trevor made of songs from the last (or should I say, most-current) incarnation of Secretariat. I did a lot of the backup vocals, as well as contributed to the arrangements (as did Stephen, Stacin, and Ryan).

Funny story about the lyrics of Wonderin’ - Ryan had kept mishearing one lyric as “Are you hangin’ out with a friend / Gettin’ it on” - which, when he told us that, Trev decided was much better than his original lyric (I wish I could remember what it was), and it stuck…

You had it for a while, and then you blew it. I hope you enjoy antagonizing your viewers in your show’s Sopranos-esque progression to irrelevance.

Sincerely,
Your frustrated-to-the-point-of-apathy audience